yeux-instruit

I'm leaving

2012-02-29T01:40:00.002+08:00

Im jealous, Im a green-eyed monster. Im jealous but I'm not supposed to.

Better be. I'm leaving now. So you don't have to think about leaving me later.

Love doesn't mean to be together. I get that, all the time.

Why fall in love at the first place?..

After all these years.

2011-11-15T02:26:00.002+08:00

I finally give up on you. You maybe don't notice that you are being awkward, awkwardly replying me. The way you react, the way you respond to me.

I dont know where it went wrong. Or maybe its me who always asked to much? sik pernah satisfied.. or it is true that you never gave enough.

I was all good. I love you, and how I wish that you feel the same.. But I know you don't. Then whats the point of having this relationship. I know I won't find any guy who would fly miles just to see me. How I wish I could relate what you did and what you feel towards me.

After that trip, we are distance. You never greeted me like you used to. You stop telling me you want babies with me. We stop do stuff we normally did. It is breaking, I can feel it.

Cant stop my tears from falling, Cant stop my heart from breaking,

I cant stop looking back where things were good.

As much as I want you around, I dont want to hurt myself.

As much as I love you sayang.. I know the other person loves you more & I know you love her too.

So what is left for me..? It hurts. It is sad.

A big messed in my head. I try not to miss you. I try not to think of you.

But you were my routine, now I have to live without you in the morning or before I sleep at night.

I know Im just the other girl. and I know, there's nothing good come out of it.

I never blame you at the first place.

Now, how I wish you could see me cry. and wipe my tears away. It wont happen.

Sayang, we had good times...

I dont know what to do.

2011-10-08T02:06:00.002+08:00

What is love is all about?

I thought it would be easy just to love someone as they are. It is not true. Never.

I do love you. but sometimes the way you treat me, the way you respond to me , i feel its just not right.

You said you care. But you never did. You say words that break my heart. You never ever thought of the littlest thing come out of your mouth.

I want the best for you

2011-10-08T00:29:00.002+08:00

Everything I did, Everything I said, is because I want the best for you.

I know I am not perfect, sometimes I strayed away with my own thoughts, and I can be selfish at times.

I dont know why you can spend hours on your game. But never can keep up conversation with me.

I know you care. But it is never enough.

All I want is you to be happy, I want you to be successful. And of course I want the same for me. For both of us.

Love. It is never easy having this relationship. But you not working it out, we never work it out. You never tried. And Im almost giving up.

I want the best for you.

Sayang

2011-09-13T06:07:00.002+08:00

We do things I never did.

Thanks for coming back for me sayang. I cant never thank you enough for your sacrifices; your money, your time. I had good time with you.

Sayang,

I never thought we would reached this far; you come back here just for me, you sacrificed your time to spend time with me. Nothing I can do to repay this. Nothing.

I love you.

is this really the end?

2011-07-11T09:14:00.000+08:00

"if thats what you want. then, i'll stop caring"

fine.

That we never existed.

2011-06-10T08:10:00.002+08:00

After about a week plus not talking, (what he did was just leave me an offline goodnight msg)

I know he still thinking of me.. but it is not the same now. I still feel for him but I couldnt give what I gave to him last time. I cannot do it anymore.

I dont want to be hurt 'cause I know it will be harder if I dont stop it now, If I dont try now.

I wonder why is it so easy for me to give in, I need strength now. Not that I want it to end this way;

Look, do I have a choice at the first place? Why would I give so much to someone who is sure he would'nt end up with me, who rejects me in his future, who back offs before we even try?

It is too much to ask for the future, I realised that. But why dont give this time to me at least to have you, and try to give you what you want, what you need.

At some point, it made me think that it is not me that afraid of losing. It is him, who feared that we cannot keep up, that we will break before it all happen.

On the other hand, I strongly feel that he never wanted me in his life.

xx.

Nothing is real

2011-05-31T00:27:00.003+08:00

The relationship we built these two years are not real. but the feelings are real to me. it hurts.

Yesterday.

2011-05-29T07:36:00.002+08:00

The the before yesterday;

I confronted him, deliberately telling him what I've been hiding from everyone. Not for you to know but for me to keep (and of course he knows about it now)

He said he's okay with it, and I was touched at the same time I'm glad that he did not back off.

Yes, I've been hmm somewhat truly like him; the way he greeted me every morning, the way he wished me goodnight .. I'm getting used to it.

That day, I felt more than grateful that he didnt back off, really. At that point nothing really matters anymore, I love him and I thought it's okay if we are going to another level. I didnt expect much tho, but hmm it's my heart I'm dealing with. Ah, well, I cant stop myself from expecting more.

I thought things will get better, and of course it does till the next morning.

Yesterday,

I wished him good morning, he greeted me back. It felt good as usual. Yes, as i thought it will be okay, but no, it didnt go well. He started to talk about his mam. I know I'm not as good as her, I guess... He told me that he promised wont leave her. And he will get married by the age of 35 which is in two years time, and in his line, he did not even mentioned me. I am not in his future. I am not what he's thinking to start a family with.

That conversation shattered me apart, I wished we had never started anything. Tell me how I'm supposed to feel when I know that I can only spend another 2 years with you when I was expecting we would see each other forever. Ive always want you by my side every night, In your arms and able to kiss you in the morning..

He said I think too much, yes I did & I still do. For now Im just hoping for the best.

Taken aback, I cried.. and this song came up from nowhere.

Yours truly,

2011-03-28T03:31:00.000+08:00

After so many years, you finally decided that we have nothing to talk to?

2011-03-28T03:29:00.002+08:00

I have lost myself somewhere, long time ago. I have nothing to share.

2010-05-05T00:54:00.000+08:00

it breaks my heart to know that you'd still care for me.

Not less, Not much but Always.

2010-04-06T02:54:00.004+08:00

If I were there, I want to tell you straight to your face.
How much you have hurt me with your negligence.
The truth is written. I'm not yours and I will never be.

But I refused what is written. I still care for you.
Not less, Not much. but Always.
I want your time, I seek your attention.
I adore your affection, I longed for your touch.
I said, I will wait.

You said you cared for me. But you never show it.
You said you loved me. But you never feel it.
It hurts. It truly does.
Your words scratching those pains inside.
Deep. Deeper than any thorns could have hurt me.

I failed to fill your senses. I failed to be someone you needed.

A word.

2010-04-06T01:38:00.003+08:00

I can feel my blood rushing to my face. I can feel the heat.
I cant hold it, I cannot hold it back. I cried.

You have no idea how hurt I was when you said the word.
A word that I did not expect you to say.

I know I was mad, and so do you. But the word is too harsh. It is disrespectful.
I'm sorry. I am sorry. I cannot go on like this.

I fancy You.

2010-04-04T06:58:00.004+08:00

You,

Of so many different things I see in life, you have caught my eyes.
You are my attention. You show me what a guy can do.
To love the right way, and care how they should.

It does not hurt to know you have someone else,
Because I know you are one of the greatest.
With your age, you captured my sights,
It is almost sound imposibble when it comes to me.

I don't love you, I just fancy you.
It would be great if I can love someone like you.
and to be loved the way you loved your significant other.

.

2010-03-29T05:24:00.003+08:00

There are things in life that you cared so much and they are hard to let go. And yet, there are things in life that cannot be cured.

Leave the world as it is, and you are still what you are no matter what. Enjoy your time while the time for your life is still ticking. I know it would never be enough, but yeah why burden yourself with thoughts of the future when you know fate is there waiting for you?

It may sounded a bit cliche, but I do believe in fate and I just can't let it go. It breaks and it swallowed me. Strength is all i ever needed.

Mr. O

2010-03-28T05:07:00.002+08:00

Mr. O,

It is weird that he did not get the text. Either way, I'm not sure whether it was a good decision or it just screwed up my life a little bit deeper. I was suprised to hear from him this morning but in a way I feel better than before.

All these while I wasn't talking to him, I did feel devastated, deprived and honestly I do miss his presence. A simple Hi can change everything, a good conversation can make me my head go round.

He shows his affection towards my beauty. He enjoys every part of it, and of course I do enjoy every second.

I know I shouldn't. And I know it is wrong but I can't help. Your affection is irresistable. Your touch is incomparable. I always miss the way you kissed me, and I always longed to taste it again.

The truth is awful. The truth will be never fair enough to treat me. I'm a fool of my own desire. I'm a fool.

be someone you can possibly be.

2010-03-23T05:45:00.002+08:00

someone you love.

.

I'm Fragile.

2010-03-03T06:03:00.005+08:00

Achtung!

Im fragile.

These few days have been ridiculously awful for me. Been eating carbs like hell, there's no more tomorrow to enjoy this food.

Honestly, I'm broken and I dont know how to fix myself. Im torn apart and I dont know what to do.

I smiled and surprisingly found out myself crying the next second. Why life has not been good to me. I dont know what Im doing. I dont know what I am waiting for.

I can crash and burn at any time. I can fall and crushed in a minute or to be specific, it takes only a second for me turning the smiling face into a waterfall of tears.

I dont understand why this is happening to me. I thought I was strong, I thought I'll be okay.

I said I am Okay and I will get through. but now, it is not getting anywhere, not even close.

Im broken, inside out. Im feelling deprived and Im stuck in my own thoughts.

Im terrified. Im miserable and I dont believe it is me and why Im doing this to myself.

Lets pray that this will be over soon because I cannot cope with it.

when i wake up tomorrow

2010-02-23T06:37:00.004+08:00

i wish when i wake up tomorrow,

you can love me like i do.
and you miss me like i always do.

i hope when i open up my eyes for another day tomorrow,

the wonderful feeling stays.
skip the tears, i can't take it anymore.

goodnight love.

2010-02-22T06:52:00.002+08:00

you have no idea how much it hurts when it comes to loving you.

2010-02-18T11:05:00.000+08:00

I refused to stop hoping.

time flies.

2010-02-17T12:50:00.002+08:00

time flies, i wanna change.
but why do you have to come back if all you wanna do is to put hopes and hurt my feelings?

14022010

2010-02-14T21:58:00.002+08:00

i can't help it. my fingers can't hold it. and my heart keeps on missing him. i failed. i finally texted him.

me: Hope you are doing fine and enjoy your long weekend. Not sure whether it is right to say that i miss you now, but i do. Hope you doing well & happy.

him: What do you mean? It is ok to say we miss someone, right? Honestly. I do miss you too. Happy Valentine's babe.

hmm. sweet but i should not be hoping too much this time.

it's another lonely valentine's

2010-02-14T08:11:00.002+08:00

deep in my heart how i wish i could say to you how much you mean to me. i still remember how i used to remind you that i love you. yes, i was in love and i guess i am still in love with you. how can a heart that truly loves the person being crushed by the person she loves so much? but i guess it is life; you cant get everything you want or everything you need. if i have the choice, i wouldnt want needing you like this very moment.

i miss you dearly but there is no point telling you. happy valentine's day.

I dont want to live like this forever.

2010-02-08T09:39:00.005+08:00

All i know is I was so deeply in love with you and I cant even see what is coming. I miss the feeling of missing you everynight before I go to sleep. I hate it when I wake up in the morning and there's no one to think about, no one to be missed dearly. I'm scared that I might not fall in love ever again because the feeling for you were so strong. I was hoping too much.

It hurts me so much to think about it. Please help me go through this. Why I didnt see it coming. Why??

My tears is flowing, My heart is breaking. Shattered.

"I don't think you meant it when you said you couldnt love me.."

i gotta feeling

2010-02-03T09:49:00.002+08:00

I still remember the night we spent together, though it was short but it was nice and i couldnt erase it from my memories. everytime the music plays on my music player it just pick me up and dropped me in the past. the memory with you was just great.

I know i sound stupid when i talk about what i feel for you. but i cant hold it. it is true, i love you enough just to let you go and be happy with someone else. and I dont care how much you hurt me & how you ripped off my feelings when you told me that you can never love me. I never liked someone as much as i like you. I'm sorry I felt in love with you. Maybe we are just not meant to be together. It was just a dream.

A song can pick you up & drop you in the past. I miss you so much.

2010-02-02T10:48:00.002+08:00

when you always believe that he is for you, but the truth says he is not. it breaks your heart. so much.

2010-01-28T02:24:00.003+08:00

I cant stop dreaming of you, I still need you to breathe. The picture of you lingers in my head everynight before I go to sleep. I can't stop dreaming of us being together though it is not going to happen. I lose hope. You break my heart and you take away my sanity. I'm not sure how you feel now. I don't know why I keep on telling myself that you could have love me. You could have but you just refused to. When you said you can't love me, I refused to believe. My heart refused to listen.

I tried and I failed. I really love you.

i cant give what you want

2010-01-24T08:19:00.002+08:00

"It's hard to live without missing you. I cant hate you cause I know things wouldn't be better & I know you are not the person I should be hating. I hope everything is alright, everything is fine with you & your family. And I hope you'll find yourself great things in life or maybe the answer you've been looking for all these while. This is hard, but yeah I have to. This will be the last time you hear from me. Take a good care of yourself, Thanks for everything."

- it is heartbreaking when i read it again. but i know, i have to. things will not always go your way, you dont always get everything you want. and that is what i called life. i know, things will be better. i know i will.

f.

2010-01-14T06:04:00.003+08:00

I was so deeply in love but people come & go.

Just Forget About It.

2009-12-31T21:59:00.002+08:00

Dear One,

I have always been dreaming of us, together. But you have like thousands of reasons not to be with me. You said you love me but you failed to do so. Too many reasons yet too little actions. And I dont know why I'm still here waiting. I think its about time dear. We both going to lose it all. I did love you, Dee.

Dear Two,

Sayang, I never expected this. I want someone like you but I know you are someone else's. I never expected this, for sure. I want to be with you, someone like you. I'm sorry I have to leave. I don't want you to be burdened with the guilt inside and at the same time I dont want to make things worse for me. I'm sorry & Thanks for everything, Rel.

Love,
F

2009-12-28T16:15:00.001+08:00

just forget about it.

:(

i hate you

2009-12-20T14:07:00.003+08:00

i hate you
everytime you wished me goodnight before i go to bed.

i hate you
give me a kiss before i closed my eyes.

i hate you
when you called me "love".

i hate you
everytime you say "sweety good morning"

i hate you
when you make me cranky because you dont speak to me.

i hate you
when i know that you are too busy playing games.

i hate you
because you shower me with prezzies.

i hate you
when you make me smile everytime i read your texts.

i hate you
because i cared too much about you and the fact that i love you.

i hate you
because you are not mine.

10 things I hate about you, Rel.

2009-12-17T17:47:00.002+08:00

i miss you dearly the next second after i said i hate you.
love is so strong to make you hate a person lawfully.

i love you. but you, you dont really show it. help me.

2009-12-14T18:25:00.000+08:00

can't help it. khafidz i love you.

2009-12-12T03:16:00.001+08:00

"sweetheart, there is nothing permanent except change. If you long for stability and an unchanged situation, things cannot move forward - with openess, you and your love can grow and grow together."

fish you.

2009-12-11T07:17:00.002+08:00

you gone fishing and left me all alone.

i miss your touch. kisses and such.

dead.

im half dead.

because you're gone.

xx.

2009-12-09T11:07:00.001+08:00

XX : i do miss you

XY : I miss you even more.

lifeless eyes.

2009-12-07T05:43:00.002+08:00

when i look into her eyes,
i see pain and i know she sees it too

my heart sores,
everytime she winks her eyes and the way her wrinkle crinkles

she smiles,
but i know the tears is pouring in her heart.

i adore you,
the lifeless eyes that were too strong to show her cries.

i want you to know

2009-11-08T10:37:00.003+08:00

there are so many other things that i want you to know.

the reasons i want to see you
i want to wrinkle my nose on your shoulder and smell you.
a bit of hope,
i want to know do you really love to cuddle;
as much as i do.
i just want to look into your eyes
and ask, what will happen next.

i just want to make you comfort
i want to know how it feels to fall into your arms again.

sometimes life can be far beyond expectations.
but deep in my heart, i still have these little hopes.

way to go.

2009-11-03T11:56:00.002+08:00

i love you long time ago & still keep on going.

.

Try, it's all we have to do.

2009-09-14T02:30:00.001+08:00

Tell Me It's Real by K-ci & JoJo

Tell me it's real,
This feeling that we feel,
Tell me that it's real,
Don't let love come just to pass us by,
Try,
It's all we have to do,
It's up to me and you,
To make this special love last forever more

Baby you told me that you love me and you'd never leave my side,
Through the bitter end, through the thick and thin,
You promised me baby that you wasn't going anywhere, yes you did
Baby keep it real, let me know just how you feel

(Repeat Chorus)

I can't explain the way you make me feel,
Everytime that you tell me that you love me,
And you know you did, so many times,
Just when I thought that love could never be a part of me,
That's when you came along,
And showed me happiness,
Baby you are the best,
I think you're different from the rest,
I really love you

(Repeat Chorus)

Tell me it's real,
This feeling that I feel,
Tell me it's real,
For your love,
I will do anything

(Repeat Chorus)

( Do you really love me? Do you really care?? You promised that
you'd never leave my side, you promised that you'd always be there!)

And Momma told me take it slow,
boy you just don't know,
anything about love,
if u and I were meant to be,
u would know,
it would show,
by the end of the song.

2009-09-13T03:58:00.000+08:00

"Love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless." - iGod

it's how you perceived things.

2009-09-07T05:43:00.003+08:00

i know :

you were interested with me.

i realised :

you are just making fun of my heart.

maybe it is just me being innocent and easy. i wasnt the one who put hopes into this circle of life while you were trying hard to be nice to me. i told you stop being nice but you never listen.

it is how you perceived things. i know i've been wrong. i know i've given so much hopes in such a nick of time. and it is my fault to actually fall in love with you.

i've been wrong and i'm hurt.

"i wonder all these times all the nice things nice treats and lovely words were coming from you. i love it and i will always do. but why suddenly you changed? am i giving too much or asking too much or else it is you who give a little.

love, if there's a chance to be with you. i'd give up anything else in this world.

love"

i don't know why it is too easy for you to let go of me after all these while you've been wanting me so much. frankly speaking I wasn't the one who wanted all this. You are the reason that i fall, you are the reason that I becoming possesive and you make me making you a part of my life now.

After what have you done and now you left without saying a word? See. I believe that you won't treat me like any other guy has treated me. I found that you treat me worse.

It is how you perceived things.
I didnt see it coming when I started to fall in love with you.
Because it all doesn't make any sense to me before but now you prove that i was totally
WRONG.

make me scream

2009-09-06T05:21:00.002+08:00

make me scream your name.

1. NOT over you

2. still missing you,

3. waiting

4. and guessing any possibilities that may rise.

was just finished reading a fren's blog and glad that she's happy. hopefully she found the one that she ever needed, longing and ever wanted. im happy for you dear friend.

=)

2009-08-17T04:39:00.003+08:00

when i fall. i fall alone.

i fall in love. that is when i know.

worthless

2009-08-17T04:08:00.000+08:00

i wonder why you don't have much time for me like you used to.
at times you make me feel i am not worth you time.

leave me alone.

i want to love you

2009-08-15T02:47:00.002+08:00

as long as it is possible to love you

?

2009-08-15T02:27:00.002+08:00

what if i die before you know that i really love you.

melting puzzle.

2009-08-13T04:27:00.002+08:00

i don't want to lose you completely,
but dear you are losing me bit by bit.
and it hurts so much everytime the bit falls apart.

cherish

2009-08-12T08:15:00.001+08:00

i miss what you have given me. not what i gave you.

dum. i'm still strictly in love with you that i'd go beyond rules when i should have left you.

but i did not.

momentum

2009-08-11T10:03:00.001+08:00

i can feel we are losing.

i can feel i am going mono.

i know it from the start

2009-08-11T01:22:00.004+08:00

i know it from the start that this smile won't last long but i refuse to walk away.
and it is all because of you.

you put hopes and make me trust you like others,
but you were nothing like anyone else before.

you are different and i know at some point you are the best.

knowing you for long quite some time, almost half of my life i have you in my mind and those 10 years keeping you in mind was for sure is negligible; as small as it is meaningless for both of us.

but these 10 weeks; my heart pondered upon you. searches for your attention and waiting for your time.

i got what i want. i got to see you. and i am happy with it.
i told you i want to have a pinch of your smell, yes i got it.
i told you i want to kiss your lips, yes i had a nice one on my lips too.

but what i miss most, is when your warm hand touched mine.
i wanted to tell you, but u dont seem to have time for it.

i smiled, but i know from that very moment the smile wont be long.

now i'm missing you badly & i have no idea which way to go because you never seem to be there to go to.

it looks like, i have one choice; to walk away leaving you with your own time.

love is never enough to see what you are missing till you lose it all. xx.

changes.

2009-08-09T04:00:00.008+08:00

the more you stay the same , the more you seem to change.

when the people around you changed, but you dont. that's the time when people judge you.
for better or worse, change is natural. you can't stop and you can't escape from changing.
undermining all the certainties & what's ahead. you can never walk away.

2009-06-06T14:55:00.002+08:00

something that you dont want to happen is happening.

it is bad. real bad.

bila masa

2009-05-15T09:31:00.002+08:00

bila masa aku menangis,
kau lah paling setia.

kau lahh! kau lah blog!
sapa gik.

:'(

how far i can hide.
and how deep it hurts.
leave it to the ticking clock.

masa.

out of the night.

2009-05-13T04:35:00.000+08:00

out of the night that covers me,
beyond the obstacles that encounter me,
tell me its not a menace.
tell me im the master of my fate.

place me in the memo.
and let it posted on the corner.
make sure the eyes stare.
and the mind works.

fate. dont let me tremble.
dont let me strayed away with too much pride.
or just make they proud.

face whats ahead
and let go what made us bleed.

june 28th 2008

the happiest girl in the world.

2009-05-12T02:58:00.003+08:00

May 10th, 2009

i woke up and texted my Mom with a simple Mother's Day wishes; I love you & Miss you so much.

and

insyaAllah , Mummy.

and yet, im the happiest girl in my life.

2009-05-09T07:47:00.001+08:00

i dont like ppl take control of my life.

double ditto.

sakit

2009-05-07T03:46:00.002+08:00

mungkin aku sakit
aku kata itu hanya dugaan.

mungkin hati yang sakit,
penuh dengan benci.

mungkin aku sakit
bukan! itu hanya kekurangan.

Sakit buat kau lemah.
tidak bagi ku.
Sakit buat aku lemah pada Tuhan.
dan kuat pada diri ku.

destruction des os

flourescent.

2009-05-06T17:12:00.002+08:00

non-adolescent?

no, arctic monkey is right.

i'm aging. provoking new life.
protruding incomes,
salivating for future.
for life. for living. for a width of pride.

thrives . strikes,
I want to evolve.

being, senescence.
dream of flourescent glow.

love is just a feeling, jeopardising my thinking.

hidup & rasa

2009-05-05T06:26:00.003+08:00

sedap? atau tidak?

na'ah. kau tipu. kau bulak.
benar. sumpah lillah demi Allah.

Siapa aku? Bukan rahsia.
Tapi dalam hati ada rasa.

Bukan perlu bukan apa,
Kata sepi tapi mungkin gila...!
sekejap happy, sekejap hiba,
tersenyum tetapi berduka.
terkejut di kala suka.

Hari hari sik sama,
Esok maybe lain.
Tulat mungkin tiada,
tapi rasa sentiasa ada.

aku hidup ngekot rasa.
mok mok, sik sik.

rasa tercemar, aku kata tidak.
bila rasa bermekar. oh, bekejar - kejar.

biasalah manusia. aku pun manusia.
hidup ku penuh rasa.

dolok lain sekarang lain.
jangan tipu , memang aku benar dengan rasa aku.
jangan pernah tipu, jangan pernah bo-ong sama diri !

sebab sekda sapa akan tauk.

oh aku suka pada rasa.

something to ponder

2009-05-05T01:37:00.002+08:00

Some people simply don't know how you feel.

When you look into the mirror, deep into your eyes.

tauk lah sapa dirik sebenar nya. lemah & sakit jiwa.
kekurangan ya memang semua ada. berhak or sik berhak. bukan kita nentu kan.
semua nya di berik Allah.
redha. sabar. ya lah qudrat.

Jangan pernah sesekali takbor. Berdusta.

Aku terlalu lah insan biasa. dan mungkin binasa. sehingga terbiasa.

kau sik faham. you dont understand. and you will never understand though.

ohh. sabar :|

mata , penuh dgn aek chernin chernin.

why

2009-05-02T10:18:00.003+08:00

something in your eyes that swept me away.

loving you is wonderful.

i dont know when i should wake up, i've fallen asleep for too long .

fake

2009-05-01T05:00:00.001+08:00

pretended that i'm glad you went away.

its a lie. lie. lie. lie.

liar.

It was ok.

2009-05-01T04:56:00.002+08:00

i had my first paper today,
the first essay was ultimately entertaining part.

not the second one.
to sum up, i would say the paper was 'okay'

enough.

I had my 1 hour nap after the exam. and had a terrible dream.

lol i guess i love you too much & it shows.

i will

2009-04-30T05:36:00.003+08:00

"You will find one"

"Yes, I will, InsyaAllah" I said.

Give the best, out of the best. Try not to go astray by the right path.

He will always guide you, my dear.

Believe it. He is and He will.

Giving you strength to go on, Life to live with.

Family to stay by your side & Friends to cheer you up.

Part of you are just being devilish at times, It's just another evil speaking to you.

Your heart, you shouldn't follow as it is. Let the holy verses lead you to where you should go.

Shine. Sun will never shine if you darkened your life.

Find your sunshine. Find yourself not in the darkness of the evil.

You will. You will find. Insya'Allah.

Ya Allah, thanks for the prosperous life & longevity.
If I could ask for more, I only wish for a better life in future, not just for me.
but for each and everyone of us.

From the bottom of my undisguised soul,
F.

trapped.

2009-04-28T21:25:00.002+08:00

hold me in your arms.

i never did.

i said, i can't stand it. you keep on going.

why?

because i still love you.

why don't you get that.

between love and conspiracy,
crumpled.

apple crumble is tasty.

deep monologue

2009-04-28T05:58:00.003+08:00

the whole world is never going to understand what's going on.

between blinks, your heart seems to cripple,

a balloon on the tip of a needle.

juggling between lust & love,

i know i have failed. neither to love. nor lusty minds.

i have failed myself.

"he's never going to be yours"

yours truly,
a broken heart without a rainfall.

luckily my lacrimal gland is not working tonight.

what if

2009-04-22T07:41:00.001+08:00

tomorrow never come for me.

now im afraid to sleep.

reckon the bulging eyes.

i cant help it anymore.

goodnight
babe on the run. too much too read.

dad,
i love you.

thanks, friend.

2009-04-13T10:07:00.003+08:00

have you ever felt the sky is falling down and nowhere to run?

when everything was so perfect & suddenly it all seems falling apart.

justify your heart & let it all out.

grab a friend and let them out.

make sure he listens. and digest. and let him to respond.

yes it helps. yes it was.

thanks, friend.

alhamdulillah.

2009-04-12T19:59:00.000+08:00

keep your eyes closed.
im here to sooth, myself.

my my my. why is it so hard.

weaker by conversation

2009-04-12T06:25:00.002+08:00

i feel very weak. tiptop, i never felt this bad.
after every conversation i burst into tears.

i love you, daddy.

why the whole world just don't get it.
i love you i love you i love you.

he is in town

2009-04-11T19:36:00.002+08:00

i said "can i see you, daddy? i mean kitak sorang. on your own, please."

"no you can't do that my dear, show some respect."

sik dapat. its too hard for me. sakit tauk sik.

other's happiness is not in your hand.

reality, face it and deal with it.

urgh.

change

2009-04-06T05:32:00.001+08:00

yes it is about time to move forward.
as promised, leave it all behind.

2009-03-26T08:09:00.002+08:00

heart & pills,
they don't connect each other
unless you are bombarded by heart attack.

i am my own heart,
you are the attacking mechanism.

i need my pills. which is your undivided love.

daddy, i love you to bones. no matter what.
i need you now and then. and it is like forever.

love,
the girl of your life.

alhamdulillah

2009-03-22T22:02:00.003+08:00

Everything seems better now. with all the feelings. economically. but not physically.
im healthy so far. but im not in shape that i have always wanted.

God The Almighty S.W.T,

Give me more time to spare for me to love my body and to love who i really am.
Cast away all those evil talks, and intriguing evil smiles surrounding me.
Don't let me astray to far in this rapid momentum of life.
Inert. Anaesthetic.

make me a prodigy of my own life.

i call it a day.

2009-03-22T06:34:00.002+08:00

today was pretty relaxing though.

did the laundry, i have to go back and fourth to the washing room cause i had to do 2 washings, dark clothes n another for the lighter ones. and it costs me about rm 35 . wtf.

had my food indulgence; all the unhealthy ones and i mean it. had cereals for breakfast frosted cereals arent good for health!! , salad and noodle for lunch salad that i bought from the hub; creamy dressing and with potatoes. bluergh.. , sandwich for errr snacks ? and two packets of chips. myyy myyyy.. and i had a cup of yoghurt, fish fingers & onion rings. and two bites of sonia's subway sandwich.

i went down to the high street and bought few things for my kitchen.

it was quite a day..

pretty miss miserable.

R E A D

2009-03-21T06:16:00.002+08:00

get your arse working. you, lazy bum. time is running out.

.monologue.

2009-03-19T02:57:00.001+08:00

i can't forget the night u whispered to my ear,

"i love you, baby"

now the world is trembling & my heart is falling all over again.

spinning wheel

2009-03-18T10:07:00.001+08:00

my life now is like a spinning wheel.
i cant stand the frustration at the same time i have to cope up with the same pace.
i need to struggle .
i couldn't be left behind.

i love you & i really mean it.
i'm like a walking corpse looking for you.
whining and at the same time wishing.
im sorry. i know im not supposed to feel this way.
im sorry to go beyond the line that we both agreed.

but who am i to stop the feelings?

i am no one, and no one can fight or stop me from falling.
your charismatic character,
you are such a caring man.
you have everything that i ever wanted,
and you,
you are the man enough for me.
you make me sad, you make me worry.
but too bad, we could never be together.
we will never be.

august, 8, 2008

tenggelam

2009-03-16T01:52:00.002+08:00

mendong jak rupa ari,
sejok. tajam.
sakit jiwa ku diat ari gitok.
biuk.

angkuh

2009-03-13T03:26:00.001+08:00

berat bagai di timpa laut,
sukar ku menggapai nya,
lembaran masa depan ku.

oi pegi belajar lah!

tutup pintu

2009-03-12T11:17:00.002+08:00

jangan kau bising
buat aku gila,
bengit di tgh malam.
hairan dan kaku.

dalam cahaya kuning
sudah di suluh
kau berkata pula,
"pergi.."

aku faham walau
itu hanya kata hati ku saja.
tapi aku sumpah.
aku faham maksud mu.

tutup pintu dan pergi saja.
bawa diri, bawa hati.
tutup erat berkunci
dengan secangkir benci.

lepaskan aku.

2009-03-12T02:18:00.003+08:00

lepas la aku dari rasa macam tok.
Ya Allah, show me he's not the one.

padam semua rasa.
all the memories.
semua ya membinasakan.
bukan ati jak. rasa. and aek mata.

mbak pergi semua rasa.
kuborlah di sine-sine asal bukan lam ati mek duak.
we should never and will never be together.

how deep we feel for each other.
it's not going to happen.

don't tell me that you love me.
cause it hurts so much.
kata lah kau bencik aku.
kata lah kau sik sayang ngan aku.
sebab idup sikpat sama ngan kau, lebih seksa dari ya.

genggam aku sekuat nya utk kali terakhir.

wahai rasa cinta,
lepaskanlah aku. sekarang.
sik sanggup gik dah nanggong rasa.

tolong aku

2009-03-11T05:18:00.001+08:00

membuang semua rasa.

.

shortcake

2009-03-10T12:28:00.002+08:00

eccentric. that is what i called myself.

fake. i love the way you make me smile.

deep, that is how i much i love you.

hopes. it is you & my vivid imagination.

failure, me & you. its never gonna happen.

pagi yang sepi

2009-03-10T08:03:00.002+08:00

aku menunggu cahaya bulan,
tapi ini seakan pagi,
engkau akan pergi,
meninggalkan aku tanpa pesan.

ku tunggu bayu pagi,
menghembus pergi nafsu ku,
bawakanlah nya pergi dari ku,
biar hati ku lesu tanpa mu.

pagi, kau hiasi diri ku.
jangan pernah kau lukai aku hari ini.

breathless candle.

2009-03-10T07:47:00.003+08:00

Like a sun without its beam.
the candle seem to be lonely.
blunt and scarcely bright.

light has gone,
running out of its pride.
joy is nowhere to be found.
i'm lost.

in to the woods of sorrow.
and the scattered leaves
no longer leave the trails.
i'm lost.

like a breathless candle.
in a bottle.

* * * *

Lilin yang hilang,
bagai matahari tanpa sinar.
pudar di bawa masa

Kau pergi tanpa berita,
membawa pergi segala cereka,
aku hilang dalam duka,
pilu menemani ku.

Ku cari di rimba sana,
daun ku lihat tiada lagi hijau,
pudar seperti tangis ku,
aku hilang dalam diriku.

seperti lilin di hujung nyawa
di bawa ombak ke dasar.

malam

2009-03-10T01:45:00.002+08:00

malam kelam bagai si pura-pura.
tanpa gigi si tua menggigit.
lemah tanpa cengkam.

aku menggapai, tanpa bingkisan.
jauh aku di tinggalkan.
terdampar kelonglaian.

kenapa siang menjadi malam.
dan malam sentiasa malam.

peak

2009-03-09T09:57:00.002+08:00

im at the peak.

if i were to see you now. i would have hugged you and kissed you.
holding hands , and walk together. my head under your arms.

safe n loved.

this is an annoying feeling. thank god, i spilled it over.

crossed.

2009-03-09T06:39:00.002+08:00

you promised you gonna fix this.
and WE will.

the feeling is so strong.

i want .

2009-03-08T23:42:00.002+08:00

i want you to miss me like i missed you.
i want you to feel the way i feel about you.
i want you to notice that im not in your life in one of your days cause ive been trying to avoid you.

this is freaky,
im above the norm.

a reason to smile

2009-03-06T08:34:00.001+08:00

bump. there's a reason to smile today, he finally say hi to me.
and

said, he missed me.

pffs.

2009-03-05T05:28:00.005+08:00

you are so fucking annoying.

bodoh, i was asking for a help with my work. nothing much anyway it was just asking how the function works.

i waited for like half an hour to get him reply my IM.

and all he replied was "hey goodnite, (my name) oh im sleepy, goodnite, im so sleepy"
i was speechless, heartbroken & was about to cry. how much you have changed lately.
maybe you found someone new who u can turn to. thanks to your new 'life', i guess.

i can't describe how suck it feels right now !!

it sucks! you sucks too! and you are so fucking annoying. i hate the fact that i really want you right now but you dont even botherrrrrrrrrrrrr about me.

maybe it is about time. maybe it is an awakening call for me.

stop this nonsense and get back to life, yes without you.

fuck you.

in denial

2009-03-03T23:14:00.003+08:00

i fall for you.
i kept on denying until these few days.
i don't want to live in denial.

i don't even care if it is my heart is going to break.
i'm not living in denial.
not admitting my feelings
is like a cancer patient who's denying counting his days toward death.

eventhough the fact that you don't even care when i went missing in your life is painful.
but it is too stupid for me to deny the feeling that keeps on growing each and everyday.

i want you to notice when i'm not around.
but you never show like you care.
you never tell me how much you are longing to talk to me,
longing to see me. longing for my voice.

i don't care, i really want you.

i can't say right in front of your face, i'm waiting for you to finally realised it and by the time you realized,

it might be too late. even kinek tok, i know, it is too late.

fuck ! i know you never felt the same way as i do. i really know that. and im very sure !

sleepless.

2009-03-03T10:54:00.002+08:00

dearie,

i can't sleep, maybe i refused to.
i can't shut my eyes and let the feelings go away.
it is too strong.
stronger than the smell of java coffee beans.
stronger than the morphine that hallucinates.

i can't describe what exactly.
but one thing for sure,
i seek your attention.

coldplay's "fix you" describes best,
when you love someone and it goes to waste.
could it be worse ?

NO.

this is the worst. and i don't know when will it stops.
when it will be cured.
how long does it takes to leave you behind?
how am i going to go through the days without you, knowing what is going on with me.
without me knowing what is wrong with you, what you've been up for?

i can't . it is fearful to give it a thought.
it is painful to see the future,
it is, and it surely doesn't do any good.

i know it is impossible, it is out of my mind
that we are going to be together.
i'm a fool, i know.
but i can't stop here.
i can't.

i just want to love you, as long as it feels possible to love you.

love,

the girl who sees more in you than others do.

i need you

2009-03-03T10:10:00.001+08:00

one day it is heaven,

one day it is hell.

one second i was screaming with pleasure,

next, i found myself crying with pain.

i need strength. i need you.

help me to be whole again.

losing you is like losing the pieces of me.

apart & departed.

i want you. always.

and i think, i really love you and i want you in life.

i really do.

longing

2009-03-03T03:36:00.002+08:00

sweet as chilli potato,
you burnt my soul,
savoury my heart with those salty tastes,
of tears.

i want you, i really want you right now.
it is so hard to say it,
it is so hard to admit it,
don't walk away from me.

i dont want you to go,
away from me.
all i want is you, and your attention.

dear god,

if it is not love,
just let it burn into fiery thunder of the nights,
don't let me suffer this much.

if it is not him,
let the feelings to be ceased with the spring wind,
don't let they come any nearer.

if it is not for you,
then let my eyes sees someone else,
stop deceiving my feelings with the sights of your kindness.

longing,
for you.

i can't wait till it's over.
but i am too in love to let you go.