it breaks my heart to know that you'd still care for me.

Not less, Not much but Always.

If I were there, I want to tell you straight to your face.
How much you have hurt me with your negligence.
The truth is written. I'm not yours and I will never be.

But I refused what is written. I still care for you.
Not less, Not much. but Always.
I want your time, I seek your attention.
I adore your affection, I longed for your touch.
I said, I will wait.

You said you cared for me. But you never show it.
You said you loved me. But you never feel it.
It hurts. It truly does.
Your words scratching those pains inside.
Deep. Deeper than any thorns could have hurt me.

I failed to fill your senses. I failed to be someone you needed.

A word.

I can feel my blood rushing to my face. I can feel the heat.
I cant hold it, I cannot hold it back. I cried.

You have no idea how hurt I was when you said the word.
A word that I did not expect you to say.

I know I was mad, and so do you. But the word is too harsh. It is disrespectful.
I'm sorry. I am sorry. I cannot go on like this.

I fancy You.

You,

Of so many different things I see in life, you have caught my eyes.
You are my attention. You show me what a guy can do.
To love the right way, and care how they should.

It does not hurt to know you have someone else,
Because I know you are one of the greatest.
With your age, you captured my sights,
It is almost sound imposibble when it comes to me.

I don't love you, I just fancy you.
It would be great if I can love someone like you.
and to be loved the way you loved your significant other.

.

There are things in life that you cared so much and they are hard to let go. And yet, there are things in life that cannot be cured.

Leave the world as it is, and you are still what you are no matter what. Enjoy your time while the time for your life is still ticking. I know it would never be enough, but yeah why burden yourself with thoughts of the future when you know fate is there waiting for you?

It may sounded a bit cliche, but I do believe in fate and I just can't let it go. It breaks and it swallowed me. Strength is all i ever needed.

Mr. O

Mr. O,

It is weird that he did not get the text. Either way, I'm not sure whether it was a good decision or it just screwed up my life a little bit deeper. I was suprised to hear from him this morning but in a way I feel better than before.

All these while I wasn't talking to him, I did feel devastated, deprived and honestly I do miss his presence. A simple Hi can change everything, a good conversation can make me my head go round.

He shows his affection towards my beauty. He enjoys every part of it, and of course I do enjoy every second.

I know I shouldn't. And I know it is wrong but I can't help. Your affection is irresistable. Your touch is incomparable. I always miss the way you kissed me, and I always longed to taste it again.

The truth is awful. The truth will be never fair enough to treat me. I'm a fool of my own desire. I'm a fool.

be someone you can possibly be.

someone you love.




.

I'm Fragile.

Achtung!

Im fragile.

These few days have been ridiculously awful for me. Been eating carbs like hell, there's no more tomorrow to enjoy this food.

Honestly, I'm broken and I dont know how to fix myself. Im torn apart and I dont know what to do.

I smiled and surprisingly found out myself crying the next second. Why life has not been good to me. I dont know what Im doing. I dont know what I am waiting for.

I can crash and burn at any time. I can fall and crushed in a minute or to be specific, it takes only a second for me turning the smiling face into a waterfall of tears.

I dont understand why this is happening to me. I thought I was strong, I thought I'll be okay.

I said I am Okay and I will get through. but now, it is not getting anywhere, not even close.

Im broken, inside out. Im feelling deprived and Im stuck in my own thoughts.

Im terrified. Im miserable and I dont believe it is me and why Im doing this to myself.

Lets pray that this will be over soon because I cannot cope with it.

when i wake up tomorrow

i wish when i wake up tomorrow,

you can love me like i do.
and you miss me like i always do.


i hope when i open up my eyes for another day tomorrow,

the wonderful feeling stays.
skip the tears, i can't take it anymore.

goodnight love.

you have no idea how much it hurts when it comes to loving you.

I refused to stop hoping.

time flies.

time flies, i wanna change.
but why do you have to come back if all you wanna do is to put hopes and hurt my feelings?

14022010

i can't help it. my fingers can't hold it. and my heart keeps on missing him. i failed. i finally texted him.

me: Hope you are doing fine and enjoy your long weekend. Not sure whether it is right to say that i miss you now, but i do. Hope you doing well & happy.

him: What do you mean? It is ok to say we miss someone, right? Honestly. I do miss you too. Happy Valentine's babe.

hmm. sweet but i should not be hoping too much this time.

it's another lonely valentine's

deep in my heart how i wish i could say to you how much you mean to me. i still remember how i used to remind you that i love you. yes, i was in love and i guess i am still in love with you. how can a heart that truly loves the person being crushed by the person she loves so much? but i guess it is life; you cant get everything you want or everything you need. if i have the choice, i wouldnt want needing you like this very moment.

i miss you dearly but there is no point telling you. happy valentine's day.

I dont want to live like this forever.

All i know is I was so deeply in love with you and I cant even see what is coming. I miss the feeling of missing you everynight before I go to sleep. I hate it when I wake up in the morning and there's no one to think about, no one to be missed dearly. I'm scared that I might not fall in love ever again because the feeling for you were so strong. I was hoping too much.

It hurts me so much to think about it. Please help me go through this. Why I didnt see it coming. Why??

My tears is flowing, My heart is breaking. Shattered.




"I don't think you meant it when you said you couldnt love me.."

i gotta feeling

I still remember the night we spent together, though it was short but it was nice and i couldnt erase it from my memories. everytime the music plays on my music player it just pick me up and dropped me in the past. the memory with you was just great.

I know i sound stupid when i talk about what i feel for you. but i cant hold it. it is true, i love you enough just to let you go and be happy with someone else. and I dont care how much you hurt me & how you ripped off my feelings when you told me that you can never love me. I never liked someone as much as i like you. I'm sorry I felt in love with you. Maybe we are just not meant to be together. It was just a dream.

A song can pick you up & drop you in the past. I miss you so much.

when you always believe that he is for you, but the truth says he is not. it breaks your heart. so much.

I cant stop dreaming of you, I still need you to breathe. The picture of you lingers in my head everynight before I go to sleep. I can't stop dreaming of us being together though it is not going to happen. I lose hope. You break my heart and you take away my sanity. I'm not sure how you feel now. I don't know why I keep on telling myself that you could have love me. You could have but you just refused to. When you said you can't love me, I refused to believe. My heart refused to listen.

I tried and I failed. I really love you.

i cant give what you want

"It's hard to live without missing you. I cant hate you cause I know things wouldn't be better & I know you are not the person I should be hating. I hope everything is alright, everything is fine with you & your family. And I hope you'll find yourself great things in life or maybe the answer you've been looking for all these while. This is hard, but yeah I have to. This will be the last time you hear from me. Take a good care of yourself, Thanks for everything."

- it is heartbreaking when i read it again. but i know, i have to. things will not always go your way, you dont always get everything you want. and that is what i called life. i know, things will be better. i know i will.

f.

I was so deeply in love but people come & go.